A Case For Having Lower Expectations
I've been thinking a lot about expectations: the times when I have them versus don't, and how that impacts my experiences.
I jokingly call it 'the prom effect' whereby some go into that night that's been built up for your entire high school career (unless you're the person who got invited to many people's proms… which wasn't me) only to realize it's the same people, just dressed up, drinking punch and having subpar snacks in a ballroom somewhere (off the freeway exit in my case).
I'm noticing where my low expectations have resulted in being pleasantly surprised and where my high expectations have resulted in disappointment.
I decided to look at the research on this and was interested to find that it generally supports the merits of low or no expectations.
Lowered expectations and happiness
A study from University College London found that our happiness is not tied to how well things are going, but rather to whether outcomes exceed our expectations.
In other words, people experience greater day-to-day well-being when life goes better than they anticipated.
This suggests that having lower expectations can lead to more frequent positive surprises and, as a result, increased happiness.
Positive psychology researchers refer to this as a buffer against hedonic adaptation (the tendency to take good things for granted over time).
Stress reduction and resilience
Lowering expectations can also reduce stress and disappointment. When you expect less, setbacks are less devastating, and small wins feel more rewarding.
This mindset makes it easier to persist through challenges and setbacks, as you are less likely to be discouraged by unmet high expectations.
This approach is particularly effective in uncertain or high-pressure environments, where high expectations may be unrealistic or unattainable.
The Underdog Effect: motivation from low external expectations
Research published in the Academy Of Management Journal explored the "underdog effect," where individuals who perceive that others have low expectations of them may actually be motivated to prove others wrong, especially when those holding the expectations are not seen as credible authorities.
In a series of studies, participants with underdog expectations often performed better, driven by a desire to disprove doubters.
However, this effect depends on context. If the source of low expectations is credible, it can undermine performance (the golem effect), but if not, it can spark motivation and resilience.
Innovation and realism
In the context of innovation and complex projects, sociological research has shown that "modest, uncertain, and less optimistic" expectations can actually provide momentum to projects.
By managing expectations realistically, teams can balance hope and truth, avoiding the pitfalls of overhyped optimism and instead fostering sustainable progress and adaptability.
Caveats
While there are benefits to low or no expectations, research also cautions that chronically low expectations, especially of oneself or others, can limit growth, ambition, and performance in areas like education and personal development.
Like everything, the key is finding a balance: realistic, flexible expectations that allow for joy in small wins, resilience in setbacks, and motivation to improve, without falling into the trap of chronic pessimism or self-limitation.
I'm not suggesting that:
a. You should no longer have expectations (especially when it comes to boundaries) or
b. That it's even possible not to.
I am asking you to consider the research and see where you could have a better balance with your level of expectations, and then notice the benefit that comes from the shift.
What's been your experience with expectations?