Socializing That Energizes, Not Drains (Especially During The Holidays)

If you're someone who values real connection but has a limited social battery, the holiday season can feel… complicated. 

You want to show up to celebrate, see people about whom you care, and stay open to what might unfold, but you also dread the surface-level small talk and overstimulation that can come with it.

Here's a reframe to consider: networking and socializing aren't about showing up everywhere or connecting with everyone. They're about showing up fully wherever you are, with a chosen few.

The myth of “working the room”

We've been taught that networking means maximizing: more faces, more business cards, more visibility.

But that mindset treats people like data points, not humans. And for most of us, that's not energizing, it's depleting.

When you reframe networking as a chance to give thoughtfully, not self-sacrificially, it becomes something entirely different.

It's no longer about what you can get from a room, but what you can bring into it: presence, curiosity, kindness, and connection.

Giving without depletion

Giving doesn't mean overextending. It means being intentional with your energy.

It's generosity that honors both you and the person with whom you're engaging.

Try this:

1. Enter with an open hand, not an empty tank.
   Check in with yourself before you walk in: do I have enough to give tonight? If the answer is 'no', and if you're able, rest or do something energizing instead. Presence given from depletion isn't generosity, it's self-abandonment. If you feel you have to be there, take breaks (go the bathroom or outside) and leave early.

2. Lead with warmth and curiosity.
   Ask questions that light people up: what's been inspiring you lately? Or, what are you most looking forward to over the holidays/next year? You'll find real connection faster than any prepared pitch or script could.

3. Give the gift of full attention.
   In a distracted world, listening is a rare currency. Put your phone away. Make eye contact. Let people feel seen. That kind of attention lingers long after the event ends.

4. Leave before your energy turns into resentment.
   You don't need to stay until the end. When you've given what you authentically can, that's enough. Consider making a goal when you go in like to connect in three real conversations. After, see if you want to stay or go.

Presence is the most generous thing you can offer

When you give your time, attention, and genuine interest without draining yourself, you become the person with whom people want to connect. Not because you're performing, but because you're real.

Conversely, you tend to enjoy the interactions more because you're connecting more deeply.

If you decide to skip some gatherings to preserve your energy, that's giving, too: to yourself.

The holidays don't have to be a social sprint. Let them be a season of intentional connection; of giving from fullness, not from fear of missing out or obligation.

To giving without depletion, Darrah

PS The holidays are a season when we think about service and giving. I encourage you to use this time to inspire reflection about where you're giving of your time, talent, and treasure and how you can prioritize that in the year ahead. We all know that feeling we get when we are in service to others. Plus, research from UW-Madison found that volunteering motivated by a genuine desire to help others (versus self-oriented motives) was linked to higher cumulative life satisfaction later in life.