The Question That Saves Hours Of Friction
One question I ask in almost every coaching engagement that I've watched land differently every time:
"Are you looking for listening, or problem-solving?"
It sounds simple. It isn't.
Most people have a deeply wired instinct to fix. When someone brings a problem, they're already three steps ahead: analyzing, diagnosing, solving. It feels helpful. It often isn't. What I've watched happen, repeatedly, in sessions: someone arrives thinking they need a strategy. Fifteen minutes in, we realize the strategy isn't the problem. The strategy is a proxy for something else: a fear they haven't named, a pattern they haven't seen, a decision they already know the answer to and just need someone to witness.
The most valuable work is almost never the most obvious work.
And the most useful move is often not to act, it's to hold space. To resist the pull toward solution long enough for the real question to surface.
Reflection: Where might you be solving the wrong problem because you never paused to name the framing? In your next conversation, before you offer anything, ask yourself (and often your conversation partner): Am I listening, or am I solving?
Then hold your response for ten seconds. See what changes.