When Generosity Turns Into Resentment (The Holiday Hangover Edition)
December often starts with enthusiast anticipation: decorating, gatherings, gifts, and cheer!
Those high hopes often turn into hyperactivity, which leads to exhaustion, then a holiday hangover of exhaustion.
The line between love and obligation
Most of us give because we care (which is wonderful). But, somewhere between gift exchanges, social plans, and “just one more favor,” giving can cross from love into obligation.
That's when resentment starts whispering:
“Why am I always the one organizing, remembering, paying, showing up?”
If your giving leaves you tired, irritated, or unseen, it's not generosity anymore; it's self-abandonment dressed up as kindness.
And that's not sustainable.
The post-holiday hangover
The hangover isn't just from sugar and champagne, it's from overgiving.
It's the exhaustion that comes when you've poured into everyone else without noticing that your own tank was empty.
It's the quiet frustration that creeps in when you realize you didn't even enjoy some of what you said “yes” to.
But here's the truth: you don't owe anyone your depletion.
You can be loving and discerning.
Generous and boundaried.
How to give without resentment
Pause before saying 'yes'.
Ask, 'Do I have the capacity to give here? Do I want to?' if the answer isn't a clear yes, wait.
Name your needs.
If you're planning, hosting, or gifting, say what support or appreciation would make it feel good for you. Clarity prevents bitterness later.
Match energy, not expectation.
Give at the level that feels natural for you, not the level others assume.
Let some things go.
It's okay if you don't send every card, attend every event, or pick the perfect gift. What you do is enough and your presence goes a long way.
Generosity should leave you full, not empty
The best kind of giving expands you. It feels like love in motion, not duty in disguise.
So as you move through the flurry of the holidays, take a breath. Notice where your energy goes freely, and where it leaks.
Let this be the season where you recalibrate. Where you choose to give from fullness and allow yourself to receive, too.